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Yesterday was, in effect, a day of losses. In the middle of packing and storing our home of 2 years, Gabe called to fill us in on Jen's latest doctor visit. Just a short time later began a series of increasingly sad calls. On her way home, she had severe abdominal pain. He rushed her to the ER and they took her by ambulance to another hospital. She had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in internal bleeding and miscarriage. She was doing well last night, but due to the blood loss, they were watching her, with the possibility of going home today if she continued to do well.
Jen's physical recovery will be fast because they were able to do the surgery laparoscopically. But the emotional impact of losing their baby tugs at my heart. Miscarriage is as real and tangible as losing a child you've held in your arms. Hopes, plans, and dreams are crushed and scattered. It challenges your view on life, death and what is fair. Faith is battered.
Sometimes we don't get what we want. The job we thought would materialize disappears. The child we hoped and prayed for does not come home in our arms. Doubts and tears appear without invitation.
These trials give us the opportunity to answer the question: "Who do you love most of all?" The answer will shape our lives and future for all eternity. Are the doubts put to rest and the tears dried by God's love and care? Are we willing to abandon our dreams to trust in His superior knowledge of us?
Even at my age I sometimes struggle with this. But I have found that I will only truly be happy if I trust every aspect of my life to Him. Even when things seem out of control, I trust the One who is in control of my 'here and now', and my eternity.
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